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May. 25th, 2026 10:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xindigosaberx Yesterday was a tough one. I had to lay some big boundaries down with my daughter in regards to uneven treatment. She comes to my door sometimes multiple times in a day and I'm expected to drop everything but in the past three days I was trying to arrange to do a snack grocery trip and do something nice for graduation and could not get her to give me time to discuss without her snapping at me or telling me she wasn't in the mood because of other social issues. I gave her time to celebrate with her friends, time to figure out the other thing but Saturday was the last straw for me. I was too angry to discuss it Saturday, canceled our movie plans because I knew it would be a fight and I'm no longer willing to be alone with her during these times because I've seen how the narrative plays out when it's a her word against mine scenario, so I told her I wasn't able to talk about it and stayed away.
Yesterday she came to my door to discuss it and I told her in no uncertain terms that eighteen was old enough to find a better way to express difficult emotions than throwing them all at our parent. That I hadn't done anything, which she acknowledged, and that I was aware she knew and could control that issue because she certainly doesn't do this to her friends. I also stated that she's old enough to journal or sing or channel her feelings in a different way and I was not willing to be around someone who takes out their anger at any situation whatsoever on me. That hurt. I love my kid and it's hard having to give space when all I desperately wanted as a mother was the relationship with my kids I very much feel like fell apart after my husband died, no matter what I did or how hard I tried to save it. I did counseling, family counseling, support groups, one of my kids attended the same sort of help, and it didn't save our family.
Simply too much happened after my husband died. My daughter yelling at me that I never loved my dead husband nearly every night, her making my son cry on the ride home from school if I didn't let her verbally attack me instead. My daughter starting to drink at school just a few months after, the even worse volatility that followed, the admission that she'd been assaulted by her father, my son taking their father's side and absolutely(and verbally) loathing us both, my daughter's mental health and how public and difficult that was, the community stigmatization that followed all of that- then the stalking, multiple men we didn't know showing up outside our house in the dark, our male neighbors at the new place continually trying to coerce my daughter right after she got out of the mental health facility, our mail being opened, our food deliveries being messed with until we couldn't even door dash anymore, cars getting sabotaged, moving AGAIN only to have people outside our windows at night and trying multiple times to break in, the financial hardship over my utter inability to get passed the initial hire letter stage with multiple job offers...it all added up. This craziness cost me my family. And I'm still dealing with the aftermath.
As if holding all of that yesterday wasn't enough(and I shed a few tears), last night I heard someone yelling and thought it was some residents kid. I heard a big crash and someone saying 'ow' like they'd hurt themselves and still from the sound of the voice and the crash against the wall thought maybe the residents kid fell. Then I heard the same voice exclaiming 'stop' over and over again. We're in a DV shelter, the chance of it being someone's abuser is pretty relevant..so I went to intervene. I found a resident (who I dislike because she gossips about other residents to the staff and was actively grooming my daughter) yelling at a cat that was following her. It's a stray that hangs out in the area at night, probably because this place has walls high enough it's relatively safe from predators. But it's a gentle animal, never hisses or attacks, just meows LOUD at all hours. But it's so friendly and people seeking I know it's an abandoned pet, no feral cat wants people as much as this one does. It seems like it's still waiting for it's owner sometimes(which is painful to think about any day of the week because we had to re-home our cat to protect it from this exact situation and someone just dumped this one). From the crash I'd heard and the yelling, and the way the cat came running instantly to stand at and rub against my legs, I suspect this resident hurt or tried to hurt this cat. The guilty expression she gave me when I asked if she was okay told me a lot. She acted scared of it, but I heard what happened before she saw me because it was happening outside the room I was sitting in. There was no fear when she first started yelling, only after I came outside. I know what I heard.
Yesterday she came to my door to discuss it and I told her in no uncertain terms that eighteen was old enough to find a better way to express difficult emotions than throwing them all at our parent. That I hadn't done anything, which she acknowledged, and that I was aware she knew and could control that issue because she certainly doesn't do this to her friends. I also stated that she's old enough to journal or sing or channel her feelings in a different way and I was not willing to be around someone who takes out their anger at any situation whatsoever on me. That hurt. I love my kid and it's hard having to give space when all I desperately wanted as a mother was the relationship with my kids I very much feel like fell apart after my husband died, no matter what I did or how hard I tried to save it. I did counseling, family counseling, support groups, one of my kids attended the same sort of help, and it didn't save our family.
Simply too much happened after my husband died. My daughter yelling at me that I never loved my dead husband nearly every night, her making my son cry on the ride home from school if I didn't let her verbally attack me instead. My daughter starting to drink at school just a few months after, the even worse volatility that followed, the admission that she'd been assaulted by her father, my son taking their father's side and absolutely(and verbally) loathing us both, my daughter's mental health and how public and difficult that was, the community stigmatization that followed all of that- then the stalking, multiple men we didn't know showing up outside our house in the dark, our male neighbors at the new place continually trying to coerce my daughter right after she got out of the mental health facility, our mail being opened, our food deliveries being messed with until we couldn't even door dash anymore, cars getting sabotaged, moving AGAIN only to have people outside our windows at night and trying multiple times to break in, the financial hardship over my utter inability to get passed the initial hire letter stage with multiple job offers...it all added up. This craziness cost me my family. And I'm still dealing with the aftermath.
As if holding all of that yesterday wasn't enough(and I shed a few tears), last night I heard someone yelling and thought it was some residents kid. I heard a big crash and someone saying 'ow' like they'd hurt themselves and still from the sound of the voice and the crash against the wall thought maybe the residents kid fell. Then I heard the same voice exclaiming 'stop' over and over again. We're in a DV shelter, the chance of it being someone's abuser is pretty relevant..so I went to intervene. I found a resident (who I dislike because she gossips about other residents to the staff and was actively grooming my daughter) yelling at a cat that was following her. It's a stray that hangs out in the area at night, probably because this place has walls high enough it's relatively safe from predators. But it's a gentle animal, never hisses or attacks, just meows LOUD at all hours. But it's so friendly and people seeking I know it's an abandoned pet, no feral cat wants people as much as this one does. It seems like it's still waiting for it's owner sometimes(which is painful to think about any day of the week because we had to re-home our cat to protect it from this exact situation and someone just dumped this one). From the crash I'd heard and the yelling, and the way the cat came running instantly to stand at and rub against my legs, I suspect this resident hurt or tried to hurt this cat. The guilty expression she gave me when I asked if she was okay told me a lot. She acted scared of it, but I heard what happened before she saw me because it was happening outside the room I was sitting in. There was no fear when she first started yelling, only after I came outside. I know what I heard.
