(no subject)
Apr. 12th, 2026 05:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xindigosaberx Headache all day. Been trying to push through but not too successfully. I don't think the people here understand what's going on with me and it's clear someone else is filling in the blanks with a less than helpful narrative. I'm not depressed or lazy. I'm not wasting time or doing nothing in my room all the time with my door closed. I'm actually pretty happy all things considered. I'm juggling what I'm juggling in my life with a measure of success. I'm doing quite a lot. But between the allergies and my missed period wreaking havoc on my hormones, I'm often sick to my stomach, have a headache and completely exhausted and resting in between tasks. I'm sure the new narrative on that will be that I'm pregnant when I'm absolutely not. At my age it's more likely perimenopause.
I'm so irritated with people talking about me and never to me. Not one of them would want that to happen to them, yet they're all perfectly fine doing it to me and don't understand the utter hypocrisy in it. And if I dare point that out, I become the problem. Because mentioning there is a problem absolutely always makes YOU the problem. This is a repeating theme in my life that has driven me to the point of being perfectly fine with being disliked...and highly suspicious whenever I'm not. It's why I draw back so often and avoid groups because people are often more interested in fitting into the group and being liked than how their behavior affects anyone else. And the outliers always tend to be the people who get sacrificed first by the others to perform to the rest of the group. I'd rather not offer myself up for that bullshit anymore. I'll wait for the other outliers like me. I'm patient.
I'm so irritated with people talking about me and never to me. Not one of them would want that to happen to them, yet they're all perfectly fine doing it to me and don't understand the utter hypocrisy in it. And if I dare point that out, I become the problem. Because mentioning there is a problem absolutely always makes YOU the problem. This is a repeating theme in my life that has driven me to the point of being perfectly fine with being disliked...and highly suspicious whenever I'm not. It's why I draw back so often and avoid groups because people are often more interested in fitting into the group and being liked than how their behavior affects anyone else. And the outliers always tend to be the people who get sacrificed first by the others to perform to the rest of the group. I'd rather not offer myself up for that bullshit anymore. I'll wait for the other outliers like me. I'm patient.
