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Mar. 9th, 2026 09:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xindigosaberx I tried today. That's all I can really say about it. I didn't get much done, but I tried. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I completed my pre-class tasks so now I am actually all finished with orientation, tutorials etc.. and completely ready for my first day of class. I'm excited. Part of my class list is anatomy, I've always wanted to take a college level class in that subject and never had the opportunity before now. I loved biology classes in high school and I love science in general, I'm so looking forward to this.
My work starts soon. I'm looking forward to that as well. I'll be walking to work so I'll get lots of exercise and continue my weight loss. I got weighed a week ago and found I'd lost 40 pounds since April of last year. Granted I probably lost at least 15 of that in December when I had pneumonia, but I'm excited to continue and build on that number. My blood pressure was a whole lot better too. Walking a half mile a day will at least help both those things. I'll supplement it with my kettlebell workout. By this time next year, I'll look completely different and be closer to the size I want to be. My goal is size 12. That was my size when I married my ex husband, before all this hell began. I want to end it in the same size jeans and a whole lot more grit. I get to wear jeans to my new job too. And smile and joke and laugh without it being mistaken for something else, and be surrounded by plants all day long. I'm really happy about that. I'm gonna get some plants tomorrow for my room at the shelter so I can wake up with a smile on my face too. My friend here just got her own room too. I'm so happy for her. She deserves some peace.
I helped clean the house tonight. It helped how restless I felt. I've been really struggling with the urge to run. I don't know why. Maybe I'm scared of putting myself out there? Scared of being provoked, rejected and made fun of all over again? My friend told me I do a good job of putting myself out there and that I'm a good listener, I'm glad she feels that way, because I do care. But I haven't connected with the others like I have with her. It doesn't really feel like anyone else has given me a chance.
I saw someone who worked at the prison with me last night and it threw me for a loop. I have no reason to be this afraid of running into them. Chances are very high most of the people there don't give a fuck about me and don't even think about me anymore. They hurt me, not the other way around, I barely impacted their lives at all except as a person to talk shit about. So I doubt they even remember me. But when I saw him I froze like a deer in the headlights. I had to remind myself I wasn't in danger. That's kind of pathetic.
My work starts soon. I'm looking forward to that as well. I'll be walking to work so I'll get lots of exercise and continue my weight loss. I got weighed a week ago and found I'd lost 40 pounds since April of last year. Granted I probably lost at least 15 of that in December when I had pneumonia, but I'm excited to continue and build on that number. My blood pressure was a whole lot better too. Walking a half mile a day will at least help both those things. I'll supplement it with my kettlebell workout. By this time next year, I'll look completely different and be closer to the size I want to be. My goal is size 12. That was my size when I married my ex husband, before all this hell began. I want to end it in the same size jeans and a whole lot more grit. I get to wear jeans to my new job too. And smile and joke and laugh without it being mistaken for something else, and be surrounded by plants all day long. I'm really happy about that. I'm gonna get some plants tomorrow for my room at the shelter so I can wake up with a smile on my face too. My friend here just got her own room too. I'm so happy for her. She deserves some peace.
I helped clean the house tonight. It helped how restless I felt. I've been really struggling with the urge to run. I don't know why. Maybe I'm scared of putting myself out there? Scared of being provoked, rejected and made fun of all over again? My friend told me I do a good job of putting myself out there and that I'm a good listener, I'm glad she feels that way, because I do care. But I haven't connected with the others like I have with her. It doesn't really feel like anyone else has given me a chance.
I saw someone who worked at the prison with me last night and it threw me for a loop. I have no reason to be this afraid of running into them. Chances are very high most of the people there don't give a fuck about me and don't even think about me anymore. They hurt me, not the other way around, I barely impacted their lives at all except as a person to talk shit about. So I doubt they even remember me. But when I saw him I froze like a deer in the headlights. I had to remind myself I wasn't in danger. That's kind of pathetic.
