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Mar. 7th, 2026 01:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xindigosaberxIt's been a really emotionally painful couple of days. I'm doing what I can but I'm struggling with the way it feels that I can't count on ANYONE in my family to treat me kindly. It's been years now of being treated like I exist to be the waste receptacle for everyone's negative emotions and I'm to the point I can't take anymore of it. I'd rather burn bridges and be alone than be one persons punching bag even one more time.
My daughter spent Thursday afternoon making passive aggressive comments to me in the car that implied repeatedly I was gross until I asked her to clarify and explain why she felt that way. She immediately tried to deflect, I refused to be sidetracked and she started an argument and trying to deny anything had happened at all and I just cut her off and kept doing so- because she kept trying over and over to turn it into something other than what the issue I expressed was. After almost 4 years of this, I realized it isn't going to change. She really doesn't feel any need to speak to me kindly unless she wants something and she has been doing the same behavior as before where she will pick a fight when we're alone, then cry and act like a victim as soon as we're around other people so I pay the consequences for her disrespectful behavior. I will no longer allow myself to be alone with her. I'm done tolerating this kind of hurt from anyone, no matter how much I love them. I'm human and I deserve consideration and support too. Maybe I won't get it here, but I don't have to sit and let myself be mistreated by adult children either.
I'm a little surprised by how I'm treated here by people far more educated than myself. It's very disappointing. But I don't have the energy to try and earn people's understanding anymore. I'm just sad. It's really difficult to lose everything right down to your rental history and credit score, have autism, PTSD from childhood abuse/sexual assault, be recently widowed, homeless after getting blacklisted by a bad job and STILL being treated rudely/coldly with little to no explanation by people literally paid to help you. People just decide I'm a bad person without getting to know me while watching me help and care about the people around me and then wonder why I distance myself and act so awkward. Why would I try to communicate with you when I know it bothers you and you don't like me? Why would I come out of my room when the people who have the power to decide my housing situation seem to be uncomfortable in my presence?
And no one will tell me why, they judge me for how much it hurts and how I respond, but no one will tell me why I'm being treated this way when clearly I don't recognize what I'm doing that is resulting in this. The closest I've got is being told I'm a snitch at my job in corrections and that my eyes are annoying. And called an emotional manipulator when I demanded my family explain why they wouldn't help my daughter when we were about to be homeless. What the actual fuck am I supposed to do with that? I'm tired and I've been through enough. People loading more on at this point should be ashamed of themselves for acting like complete bullies and I will no longer categorize it as anything else.
When someone isn't provoking you or anyone else, is simply trying to rebuild, and you're talking shit about them or to them, YOU ARE A BULLY and not worthy of the time it would take to discuss it in any other manner.
My daughter spent Thursday afternoon making passive aggressive comments to me in the car that implied repeatedly I was gross until I asked her to clarify and explain why she felt that way. She immediately tried to deflect, I refused to be sidetracked and she started an argument and trying to deny anything had happened at all and I just cut her off and kept doing so- because she kept trying over and over to turn it into something other than what the issue I expressed was. After almost 4 years of this, I realized it isn't going to change. She really doesn't feel any need to speak to me kindly unless she wants something and she has been doing the same behavior as before where she will pick a fight when we're alone, then cry and act like a victim as soon as we're around other people so I pay the consequences for her disrespectful behavior. I will no longer allow myself to be alone with her. I'm done tolerating this kind of hurt from anyone, no matter how much I love them. I'm human and I deserve consideration and support too. Maybe I won't get it here, but I don't have to sit and let myself be mistreated by adult children either.
I'm a little surprised by how I'm treated here by people far more educated than myself. It's very disappointing. But I don't have the energy to try and earn people's understanding anymore. I'm just sad. It's really difficult to lose everything right down to your rental history and credit score, have autism, PTSD from childhood abuse/sexual assault, be recently widowed, homeless after getting blacklisted by a bad job and STILL being treated rudely/coldly with little to no explanation by people literally paid to help you. People just decide I'm a bad person without getting to know me while watching me help and care about the people around me and then wonder why I distance myself and act so awkward. Why would I try to communicate with you when I know it bothers you and you don't like me? Why would I come out of my room when the people who have the power to decide my housing situation seem to be uncomfortable in my presence?
And no one will tell me why, they judge me for how much it hurts and how I respond, but no one will tell me why I'm being treated this way when clearly I don't recognize what I'm doing that is resulting in this. The closest I've got is being told I'm a snitch at my job in corrections and that my eyes are annoying. And called an emotional manipulator when I demanded my family explain why they wouldn't help my daughter when we were about to be homeless. What the actual fuck am I supposed to do with that? I'm tired and I've been through enough. People loading more on at this point should be ashamed of themselves for acting like complete bullies and I will no longer categorize it as anything else.
When someone isn't provoking you or anyone else, is simply trying to rebuild, and you're talking shit about them or to them, YOU ARE A BULLY and not worthy of the time it would take to discuss it in any other manner.
