Escape into Mental Clarity.
Jan. 31st, 2026 09:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xindigosaberxThe last two and a half months have been so chaotic and confusing I'm still processing what happened. I was working at a private prison. I loved my job but the six months I was there were also chaos. I ran afoul with one of my coworkers my third day there. I can't say I'd do things differently if I had the chance for a redo. I refuse to gossip about my superiors. I refuse to gossip about my coworkers. I refuse to gossip about my romantic partners. I refuse to gossip about my friends. I learned a very long time ago gossip destabilizes relationships very quickly even if the only damage it does is by creating strife and doubt in your own mind. You can quite effectively convince yourself to leave someone or that someone is horrible simply by ruminating endlessly about their negative traits. It can ruin morale, or other peoples chances at deeper connections as well. So I simply don't do it. So no, I wouldn't do things differently, even knowing that sticking by that personal principle effectively made me a massive target to about a dozen individuals and a whole lot of stress and a couple of near traumatic experiences I certainly didn't need.
I got extremely sick afterward. I had pneumonia for the first time in my life and it lasted nearly a full month. I can only guess the stress wore my immune system down as I so rarely get sick and normally heal very quickly. My lungs still aren't the same. I can't hit high notes in songs I used to sing with ease. I can project again, but sometimes I'm off tune or my voice cracks and sounds gravelly in places without me meaning to. I still have a cough occasionally and sometimes can't catch my breath. I'm still so exhausted. But at least I'm not bed ridden anymore, I'm not coughing so hard I can't control my body or stand. I'm work ready. I just wish I could get a job.
I got hired four times in the last month. From late December to present I've been officially hired four times, onboarded and background checked but the companies went no contact shortly after. All of the first three did so. The fourth actually gave me a start date, then cancelled two days later and went no contact. Not one has given me a reason. I was forced into homelessness. I am writing this from a shelter my daughter and I were thankfully qualified for. It's safe, it's warm and we have our own rooms.
I know I can rest here. Security is extremely high, the address isn't available or public so if my ex finds me here like he did my last house and job, well it will be extremely apparent at last to authorities how dangerous he is. We were stalked relentlessly for four years. I was bullied on all social media to the point I have hundreds of screenshots spanning each incident during that time to prove it. Sometimes I look at the evidence, look at my documentation of each time someone showed up outside my bedroom window, each time someone tried to hack my email or my social media, the IP addresses for those attempts located directly at his address in Tempe AZ, and I remind myself this is real. What I am experiencing is very real. Because all of this sounds so crazy I can't even believe myself at times.
I suppose this is a preface to all following posts. To warn and remind that if things seem incongruent or confusing, it is because I haven't made sense of those events yet in my mind. Abuse especially over a prolonged period of time is extremely difficult to navigate. It's not easy to heal from or make peace with. But that is the theme of my life story isn't it? That both healing and peace are still possible.
You can call me Lin. I am a bisexual woman, a widow, and a mother of two teens. I am diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar 2, and although undiagnosed 'officially' by choice, on the Austism Spectrum. What follows is my story as I navigate the fallout of stalking,severe trauma, workplace mobbing in a prison, and homelessness. Welcome.
I got extremely sick afterward. I had pneumonia for the first time in my life and it lasted nearly a full month. I can only guess the stress wore my immune system down as I so rarely get sick and normally heal very quickly. My lungs still aren't the same. I can't hit high notes in songs I used to sing with ease. I can project again, but sometimes I'm off tune or my voice cracks and sounds gravelly in places without me meaning to. I still have a cough occasionally and sometimes can't catch my breath. I'm still so exhausted. But at least I'm not bed ridden anymore, I'm not coughing so hard I can't control my body or stand. I'm work ready. I just wish I could get a job.
I got hired four times in the last month. From late December to present I've been officially hired four times, onboarded and background checked but the companies went no contact shortly after. All of the first three did so. The fourth actually gave me a start date, then cancelled two days later and went no contact. Not one has given me a reason. I was forced into homelessness. I am writing this from a shelter my daughter and I were thankfully qualified for. It's safe, it's warm and we have our own rooms.
I know I can rest here. Security is extremely high, the address isn't available or public so if my ex finds me here like he did my last house and job, well it will be extremely apparent at last to authorities how dangerous he is. We were stalked relentlessly for four years. I was bullied on all social media to the point I have hundreds of screenshots spanning each incident during that time to prove it. Sometimes I look at the evidence, look at my documentation of each time someone showed up outside my bedroom window, each time someone tried to hack my email or my social media, the IP addresses for those attempts located directly at his address in Tempe AZ, and I remind myself this is real. What I am experiencing is very real. Because all of this sounds so crazy I can't even believe myself at times.
I suppose this is a preface to all following posts. To warn and remind that if things seem incongruent or confusing, it is because I haven't made sense of those events yet in my mind. Abuse especially over a prolonged period of time is extremely difficult to navigate. It's not easy to heal from or make peace with. But that is the theme of my life story isn't it? That both healing and peace are still possible.
You can call me Lin. I am a bisexual woman, a widow, and a mother of two teens. I am diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar 2, and although undiagnosed 'officially' by choice, on the Austism Spectrum. What follows is my story as I navigate the fallout of stalking,severe trauma, workplace mobbing in a prison, and homelessness. Welcome.
